Thursday, December 29, 2011

Moving forward in 2012 through forgiveness.

In order to move forward in 2012, I have chosen to work an honest program of working on myself and removing barriers to having the life I choose to have. 

I dedicate this blog to a former minister and spiritual adviser I was close to in the early 1990's. I recently saw his profile on a mutual friend's social media site and this memory came back to me.

I went to him then with the idea of writing and publishing a newsletter about business communications and public relations. He did everything in his power to talk me out of it. As I recall it, I hear his voice telling me "Who would read it?"  I was privately devastated. But I took his advice and dropped the idea. I suspect that my adviser may have meant it as a gut check to see how much I really wanted to do that, and what I was willing to do to achieve the goal. I also think he may have felt my efforts would be more successful if employed by someone else. I look back to see that I took this to mean that I was incapable of writing successfully under my own name. 

If asked, I doubt he would even remember the conversation. I may have buried the details of that day, but at the sub-conscious level ... I know this affected me greatly.  I also wonder how this 'realistic attitude' colored the thoughts and work efforts for the projects I took from others. But the realization of what he said and what he did was a painful memory. The world is filled with enough people wanting us to 'just be realistic,' verses supporting our dreams. 

As someone who has set the goal of publishing my first self-authored book in 2012, I felt the need to have closure about this. Over the past few days, I have quietly and privately looked at it and prayed a good deal about it. I have two choices: hang on to the memory and give up or forgive him and move on. 

I chose forgiveness. 

Forgiveness isn't the easier choice. I know that from working with this that I forgive him to free up my energy and move forward. The resentments and anger have been mine to carry for almost twenty years. So, I have chosen to forgive him with my entire mind and my heart. I choose to make decisions about whom and what I am and how I express that. While he may have offered me well-meaning counsel, the ultimate decision here is mine. I wish him only the best and release any perceptions and judgments I have about what he said. I wish him nothing but the best both now and in the future. I also release him and I of any judgments and blame associated with his counsel.  

Bottom line: I now forgive that guy and I move on.